Learn & Share

Book Excerpts

Crucial Conversations

Author: Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, Laura Roppe

  • Refocus on your motives - When someone completely disagrees with you on a hot issue, instead of losing temper, start by examining your motives. Ask yourself what you really want.
  • Do not vehemently defend yourself, save face, avoid embarrassment, win, be right or punish others
  • Our motives change when adrenaline kicks in
  • Start with your heart - although we are merely bystanders in life’s never ending stream of head on collisions, rarely are we completely innocent.
  • Work on yourself first - not only can you improve yourself, you are the only person you can change.
  • When people contribute to shared pool, they are committed to act.
  • Salute and stay mute - with superiors
  • Freeze your lover - with spouse. Giving cold shoulder

Invisible Influence

Author: Jonah Berger

  • Seeing people more frequently made people like them more
  • Words activate different ideas in people’s minds, which then spilled over to affect their perceptions of him. All without their awareness. All driven by the power of non conscious influence. Example?
  • Monkey see, money do: Even when the answer is clear, people still imitate others.

Manager’s Path

Author: Camille Fournier

  • Identify and communicate what each resource is accountable for, in 30, 90, 120 days
  • System uptime metrics - before and after open shift
  • Goal - QA Automation completion
  • Design standards
  • Performance standards
  • Performance reviews
    • Ask what are their goals
    • Read past reviews
    • What would you have done differently
    • Tell problems with solutions
  • Team members and their strengths and weaknesses
  • Promotion process - self and team?
  • Identify promotion-worthy stretch goals for team members

The 6 Critical Practices For Leading A Team

Author: Franklin Covey

  • 1. Develop a leader’s mindset
    • Mindset
      • Common Mindset: I am responsible for my results.
      • Effective Mindset: I am responsible for delivering results through other people.
    • The Power of Mindsets: See-Do-Get Cycle
      • The results we GET in our lives depend on what we DO. What we DO depends on how we SEE the world around us. If you want to change your results, begin by changing your mindsets.
      • SEE –> Mindsets
      • DO –> Practices
      • GET –> Results
  • 2. Hold regular 1-on-1s
    • Mindset
      • Common Mindset: I hold 1-on-1s to check on people’s progress.
      • Effective Mindset: I hold regular 1-on-1s to help people get and stay engaged.
  • 3. Set up your team to get results
    • Mindset
      • Common Mindset: I tell team members what to do and how to do it.
      • Effective Mindset: I help people get clear about the ‘why’ behind the ‘what’ and support them in the ‘how’.
  • 4. Create a culture of feedback
    • Mindset
      • Common Mindset: I give feedback so I can fix people’s problems.
      • Effective Mindset: I give and seek feedback to elevate the entire team.
  • 5. Lead your team through change
    • Mindset
      • Common Mindset: I control and contain change for my team.
      • Effective Mindset: I champion change with my team.
  • 6. Manager your time and energy
    • Mindset
      • Common Mindset: I am too busy to take time for myself.
      • Effective Mindset: I must manage my time and energy to be an effective leader.

Leadership Books

  • Leader Shift by Maxwell
  • Everyone deserves a great manager by Scott Miller
  • Strength Finder

The Charisma Rules

Author: Gary Marshall

  • Charismatic people don’t intentionally steal the limelight
  • Charismatic people have an amazing ability to focus the attention on other people. They focus on making the people around them feel amazing when they are in their presence. They focus on making other people the center of attention, rather than intentionally drawing the spotlight on themselves.
  • Charisma is about how you make other people feel. It is the ability to make the people around you feel like they are the only person on the planet when they are in your presence. It is the ability to make them feel like they are the most important person in the world.

  • Charisma Rule #1: Presence
    • The first important rule of charisma is presence. By this I mean that when you are interacting with someone, you focus all your attention on them the entire time.
    • It is important to maintain presence and eye contact at all times when speaking to people if you want to become a more charismatic person.
    • The first thing you can do to help you be more present is to come up with some sort of movement, or muscle twitch that you can do in order to remind yourself that you are trying to be present.
    • Another trick is to quietly repeat every 4th or 5th word the person is saying back to yourself.
  • Charisma Rule #2: The Art of Listening
    • “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. - Stephen R. Covey”
    • “If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear. - Mark Twain”
    • Charismatic people ALWAYS listen way more than they speak.
    • Charismatic people are great listeners. They have the ability to let other people do the talking, thereby making these people feel valued, important and worthy.
    • 2 simple tricks
      • While they are speaking, try to create images to go along with the words they are saying. Instead of only listening to the words they are speaking, make a story in your mind, almost like a movie, which goes along with their dialog.
      • Make a concerted effort to wait for full 5 seconds until after they have finished speaking, before you start to speak.
  • Charisma Rule #3: Body Language
    • Charismatic people use their hands when they talk or tell a story.
  • Charisma Rule #4: Become a Brilliant Conversationalist
    • A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation - Mark Twain
    • Social Jiu-Jitsu
      • is the art of getting people to talk about themselves without them even knowing it.
      • A Social Jiu-Jitsu expert is completely fascinated by the story of your holiday, or what you did last weekend, or what you are going to do this coming weekend.
      • To become an expert is to simply ask more engaging questions about the person you are speaking to, and then listen intently, while all the time remaining present and ensuring your body language is strong.
    • Use the person’s name
      • another powerful tool to improve your conversation skills is to use the person’s name more often.
      • A person’s name is to that person the sweetest sound in any language. They will always be more responsive to the sound of their own name.
      • If you want to immediately improve your conversation skills, make an effort to focus the conversation more on the person you are talking to, and less on yourself.
    • Charismatic people also seem to have a certain way with words. They tend to use phrases like “We”, rather than “I”.
  • Charisma Rule #5: Vision and Goals
    • Charismatic people are focused, driven and have clearly defined goals that they want to accomplish.
    • When you meet someone that is in the process of working on their goals, you can see it from a mile away. They have a passion for life, and seem to have a sparkle in their eye.
  • Charisma Rule #6: Hit the gym and dress sharply
    • Charisma comes in a variety of appearances, but a surefire way to increase yours is to get into shape and to start dressing better.
  • Charisma Rule #7: Never complain & take responsibility for everything
    • We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses. - Abraham Lincoln
    • Another key character trait of charismatic people is that you will never hear them complain or moan about anything. They are like a positive beam of light that shines wherever they go. They take ownership and responsibility for everything that happens to them.
  • Charisma Rule #8: Shine the spotlight on other people
    • As charisma is the ability to make the people in your life feel incredible, a great way to do this is to give them praise and pay them compliments when they have earned it.
    • Even in a team situation when they are receiving credit, you’ll find them saying things like “Thanks, but I was really lucky to have XYZ working with me on this one”. This incredible modesty goes a long way to make the people around them feel valued and important.
  • Charisma Rule #9: Be humble, friendly and smile from within
    • Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less - C.S.Lewis
    • Charismatic people have a confidence about them that means they don’t need to make themselves the center of attention. They don’t need to brag to other about their accomplishments. They certainly won’t spend the entire evening telling you all about themselves without bothering to ask a few questions about you as well.
    • Aim to always be humble. Never boast about your achievements. It’s so much more appealing to other when they find out that you achieved something incredible with you telling them about it first!
  • Charisma Rule #9: Power
    • Without power, you are nothing more than a nice friendly person that pays attention to people. Throw in the element of power as well, and suddenly you are someone of importance who is also a friendly person that pays attention to people.
    • Power, in charisma terms, means that you have the ability to be influential and inspire people to follow you.
    • They are leaders not by title, but because they have a passion and portray an image of “Here’s what I’m doing this is me, this is what I believe in…now follow me”.
    • Appearance
      • Pay special attention to your appearance. People accept whatever you project.
    • Attitude and Manner
      • Charismatic people that are truly powerful are almost always positive and carry themselves in a calm manner.
      • A sure-fire way to make yourself appear more powerful is to carry yourself in a calm and graceful manner.
      • When someone asks you a question, don’t get overexcited and shoot them back an answer right away. Take a second to think deeply about what you are going to say, and them calmly answer them. Powerful people don’t panic or speak too quickly. They don’t get nervous or anxious either. Instead they portray a calm and soothing image, even if the whole world is on their shoulders.
    • Have a backbone
      • Charismatic people never order people around or boss them about, but they certainly don’t let other people do the same to them.
      • If they feel like someone is asking them to do something they are not comfortable with, or something that goes against their morals, they will politely tell them this and decline their request.
  • Charisma Rule #10: Confidence
    • Charismatic people are some of the most confident people on the planet. It is their confidence that draws people to them.
    • Confidence allows them to easily implement the above rules, such as shining the spotlight on others, or allowing other people to do the majority of the speaking.
    • Insecure people that lack confidence continually try to prove themselves to other by bragging or uninvitingly offering stories about themselves in an attempt to get people to like and think highly of them.
    • Confident people don’t feel the need to interrupt other people’s stories or dialog with their own tales of triumph and success.
    • Repitition
      • To become more confident at a particular skill or task is to repeat it over and over again until you are certain you can perform it with ease.
  • Charisma Rule #11: Awareness
    • The first step toward change is awareness.
    • You may have mastered all the rules, but if you forget to apply them out in the real world, they will hold little value and will have little effect on your charisma levels.
    • Remind yourselves periodically and read through the rules and positive statements until it becomes a habit.